I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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