very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
