I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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