My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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