I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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