She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize