My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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