She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
