i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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