May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
bring money and cleavage
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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