Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
