i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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