ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
