Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
