She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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