i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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