3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
