her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
