fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
