I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
