then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
