There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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