3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
