Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
