He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
