just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
