Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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