i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
