I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
