I think I am morally bankrupt
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
