I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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