Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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