Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need water and some morals
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize