Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
