The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
