i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
