Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize