the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
