so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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