woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
