girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
