Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
