hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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