If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
