I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
