Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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