The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
