we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize