i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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