I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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