I CAN MOONWALK!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she smelled like a LAN party
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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