I am in a vortex of obligation.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
