Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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