he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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