everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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