Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
