Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
