I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
