One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
