a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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